It has been two years since I've last posted a blog. Let me update you all. I since then have been admitted into a nursing program. I am currently in my third semester of nursing school.
2014 was a tough year for me. Getting into nursing school took all of my energy and time.
The beginning of 2015 was tough. I found out my relative was messing around, or should I say secretly dating the love of my life behind my back.
I was devastated. The only thing keeping me from actually falling was nursing school. How can someone so close to me do something so hurtful. I felt degraded. I felt like I was a piece of shit. But then I had to stop and think, I am going to be a wonderful nurse someday. I need to be strong. I can't break. The second step was forgiving my sister. But how? How can I forgive someone who was doing me wrong behind my back while I was going through the worst time of my life, getting through nursing school, for those who don't know, nursing school is TOUGH.
I couldn't forgive her. I prayed and prayed to forgive her but I knew that it had to come from my heart. I hadn't found forgiveness yet. On spring break, or should I say in March 2015, I met someone. Very handsome, I was very drunk that when I saw him I turned to my friends and all I said was "I call dibs." Since then, I found a sense in what it is like to live. We talked he was different, we were both hard headed and I knew it was going to be a crazy ride. Little did I know he was damaged. Damaged as in he was divorced, well separated at the time, I had no idea. Hes only 22, has his head on his shoulders I would had never guessed. People had a lot of shit to say about my new relationship,but I didn't give a shit. I hadn't date anyone in two years, well a year,so I knew people would be surprised. I have always been a firm believer that if you didn't see it with your eyes, don't believe it. Well my cousin told me he was married, and whenever I found that out I thought they meant it as in he just lived with his ex for over 6 months, thats the rule in Texas, if you've lived with your significant other for over 6 months, legally yall are married. Months passed, everything was good,till one day he told me to go outside, I did. He looked as if he had been crying. I asked what was wrong and he said IM OFFICIALLY DIVORCED. My reaction was, not very good, not bad, I automatically said to myself, he needs you, as a friend right now, do not judge him. Inside I was dead, I felt stupid, like blind but I couldn't show him that side. No I can't.
He's the reason why I forgave my sister. But I don't want that to be his only purpose in my life. I don't want that to be the only reason God put him in my path. I LIKE HIM.
Everything was good after that,
Here we are August 25,2015, 6 months later and its going to shit.
I am dealing with a damaged man, It has been backfiring. I can't do this anymore. He randomly ignores me, he randomly shows up.What can I think? What do I do? He doesn't want to leave me, but he needs time, what does that mean? I don't want to wait, but I know if I don't wait Im still not going to go anywhere anyways. Im stuck.
But here I am reading my Psych book, the 5 chapters I have to have read by to tomorrow, I am reading but I am also thinking. What do I do. I don't want to wait. I can't do this.